


your touch burns but i endure

by orphan_account



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Flustered Couple, M/M, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:14:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23723695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's been a while since Alec has trusted someone enough to touch him
Relationships: Paul Coates/Alec Hardy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	your touch burns but i endure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zephalien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephalien/gifts).



Alec was never good at making friends, when he was younger he was too nervous and now he was too abrasive, rude to everyone he met without knowing it most of the time. No one had ever called him out on it though, mostly avoided him and called him names behind his back, ‘shit face’ being the latest one. The detective didn’t particularly care about what the others thought of him, his reputation already ruined across most of the country and his own daughter ignoring him.

He doesn’t like friends, feels like it can ruin jobs, but somehow Miller manages to get under his skin enough for him to see her as a friend. Enough that he makes an actual effort not to be unintentionally rude to her, something that he had only done with two people, both of which now hated him. What he hadn’t expected was to make another friend in the vicar, someone he could have sworn disliked him ever since he had pressed about the Latimer case. 

It’s after the Latimer case when it happens, Paul brushes his fingers along his knuckles to pull him out of the trance of paperwork he had been in. And it’s as if someone stabbed him, shock filling his body and his skin turning ice-cold as his breath hitches in surprise. He comes back to his senses moments later, the slight touch mere moments earlier feeling like a burn across his hand and up his arm. He swallows convulsively to attempt to focus on what he had been saying, but all he can think about is the gentle touch lighting up the nerves across his body.

He knows why his reaction was so drastic, it had been months since he was touched in a way that wasn’t needed medically. Of course Paul noticed, worry curdling in his chest at how Alec had stopped breathing at simply being touched, it wasn’t something he had expected. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Alec in any way he wasn’t one to be cruel like others must have been in his life. 

“Are you okay?” He asks softly, almost laying his hand on his shoulder out of habit before he remembers.

Alec nods jerkily in approval, avoiding the vicar’s gaze and curling in on himself slightly and Paul gets the hint, he’s had enough experience to know when to push and when to leave it alone. It’s a topic he avoids for a few months, not wanting to have Alec put the walls back up that he had gently taken down over time. 

He asks Alec out, they go out to dinner for their first date and by the fourth he asks if it’s okay they make it official. Paul smiles at the flush that appeared on his cheeks and traveled down his neck as he grappled for the word ‘yes’. Nothing much changes except that Paul would sometimes accompany him home, stay for dinner most nights.

Then it happens again when he’s over one night a two weeks later, he touches Alec on the waist to try and move around him to place food on their plates. And even though it’s through his button-up shirt Alec tenses and stops breathing and Paul backs away when he feels the trembling under his hand. He doesn’t know what he can do to help, normally having something to lean against or clutch would help but with touch being what obviously caused this the vicar couldn’t be sure. 

He watches as Alec comes out of the trance he was stuck in, avoiding the vicar’s gaze guiltily backing away as if he had done something wrong. Paul’s gaze softened and he approached Alec, the detective flinching away as if on instinct and the vicar’s steps stuttered at the reaction, it being the last thing he expected. 

“Alec, why… why does that happen?” He asks, his voice firm but a gentleness on the edge of it.

The detective leans backward, attempting to look as if nothing was wrong but it was a tad belated in Paul’s eyes. He kept staring expectantly at him and Alec chewed his lip nervously as he looked at Paul. 

“I just feel weird when people touch me, it’s because it’s been awhile since people’ve done anything like that, you were the first person since Tess actually, a few weeks ago when you touched m’ hand.” He says quickly, as if he was trying to say it quick enough that Paul wouldn’t be able to hear it fully. 

The vicar froze in place, as he realized what was going on; it was something he had experienced years ago when all his friends had left him because of his bad habits. Guilt instantly filled his neck and squeezed his neck like a hand was wrapped around it, how he could not have noticed and helped him made him feel like a horrible person. 

“Love, there are ways to get rid of this…” He swallows convulsively.

“I went through the same thing years ago, made me lose myself in the bottle even more.” He continues, trailing off quietly, he always hated talking about his past but he saw how it sunk into Alec that Paul had actually meant. He was serious about them, he was willing to deal with his problems and share his own, something that Tess and him had never done.

“I…I no Paul… I’m not worth it not for anybody especially for you.” Alec mumbled, once again avoiding the vicar’s gaze. 

“Wrong, Alec, I don’t deserve you and you’re a fool for thinking you didn’t deserve me, but whatever you think, I’m here for you no matter what.” He says quietly, a conviction in his voice that startled Alec. Paul approached him slowly, like a cornered animal and reached out his hand, stopping halfway.

“Can I?” He asked, gesturing towards Alec’s hand. 

Alec nodded and Paul took his hand gently, watching apprehensively as the detective tensed, before relaxing slowly as he got used to the feeling of the vicar’s hand in his own. It was nice, something he hadn’t experienced in a while, years when he thought about it, a comforting weight that made him feel anchored to the present. He looked at Paul, relief and appreciation dancing across his features, it was tentative and unexpected when Alec surged forward and hugged Paul. 

The vicar grunted in surprise, his hand still clutched in Alec’s as he listened to his now rapid and panicked breaths calm slowly as he got used to the feeling. He smiled as he slowly returned his hug, wrapping his arms around the detective lightly, making sure not to cause him any more discomfort than what he already must have been feeling. 

Paul froze when he felt Alec tilted his head and kissed him, shock filled his body and coiled tightly around his chest as he breath stuttered. It took what felt like forever but was less than a second for him to find the sense to kiss Alec back, softly and with care. The couple stayed in that position for several seconds, Alec hummed in disappointment when Paul pulled away from him. 

“You don’t have to do this,” The vicar says

“No, but I’ve wanted to for weeks, and I finally feel like I can…” Alec responds, his arms moving up to loop around Paul’s neck, a blissful smile adorning his face. Paul looks at him quizzically when Alec looks away abruptly, his face flushing as he swallows nervously.

“Would you stay tonight?” The detective asks sheepishly and Paul’s eyes widen in disbelief, Alec must have seen his expression because he immediately tenses and chokes on air.

“Not like that, no… I meant just… I like this, being held I mean and I’d like it if tonight you could do it?” He continues hastily and Paul nearly sighs in relief and nods in agreement without hesitation. 

The vicar rests his forehead on Alec’s own, the two of them sharing air as it felt like for the first time in the months they had gotten to know each other that they could finally be at peace.


End file.
